We reached out to Dr. Karin Jakubowski by way of e mail, who was variety sufficient to have a chat with Bored Panda. She shared that theinspiration behind her journey into posting parenting and instructing recommendation on-line stems from her expertise as a instructor.
“All through my profession, I encountered moments of frustration when conventional approaches failed to handle the basis causes of scholars’ behavioral challenges. It was a pivotal second after I found the collaborative problem-solving method advocated by Dr. Stuart Ablon,” Dr. Jakubowski defined. “Implementing this technique remodeled my interactions with college students, enabling me to delve deeper into the underlying causes for his or her conduct and empower them with important problem-solving abilities.”
“Pushed by a ardour to share this transformative method, I launched into a mission to achieve out to as many dad and mom and educators as attainable,” the skilled continued. “Thus, ‘Momnificent,’ my podcast, was born. Curiously, whereas the podcast serves as a platform for discussing varied parenting and instructing methods, I’ve discovered myself guesting on different podcasts extra ceaselessly, spreading the phrase about collaborative problem-solving.”
How do you get your 8 to 10 yr previous to hearken to you with out yelling? Begin with a optimistic angle. Children have a troublesome time with self regulation. So in the event that they see you upset, they get upset. In the event that they see you calm, they finally mirror and match your calmness. So be affected person, take a deep breath, affected person.
Children choose up on our tone in our physique language, even after we’re not even saying something. Do not yell. No matter you do, do not yell. Apply that. You are not going to get it good the primary time. Apply, apply, apply. Do not yell. Give them decisions. Do you need to sit right here or right here? Do you need to go this fashion or that manner?
Would you like this colour crown or this colour crown? Two decisions that you just’re okay with. And set limits. Children sometimes reply properly should you give them the chance to do good. As a substitute of speeding headlong into an argument, attempt counting to 5 or give them a time restrict to do one thing you ask. Keep in mind that youngsters be taught.
So it is vital to mannequin good listening abilities your self.
This is the highest 5 issues you do not say to a child with trauma.
– By no means say to a child with trauma, “every little thing occurs for a motive.” – By no means say “it might be worse.” – By no means say to a child with trauma. “It is arduous to consider that.” – By no means say, “why did you?” – By no means say to a child with trauma, “the previous is previously, simply let it go.”
Dr. Jakubowski additionally determined to start out posting on YouTube and TikTok after recognizing the huge attain and affect visible media has on-line. “The motivation behind this enlargement is rooted in a elementary perception that each mother or father deserves entry to efficient instruments and methods for nurturing their youngsters’s progress and improvement,” she defined.
“Reflecting on the disparity between the intensive coaching we bear for our skilled careers and the shortage of formal schooling in parenting, I felt compelled to bridge this hole,” the skilled says. “The paradox of investing years in getting ready for a profession whereas navigating parenthood and not using a complete guidebook struck me profoundly. Thus, my TikTok movies function a useful resource hub for busy mothers striving to supply the very best upbringing for his or her youngsters amidst the calls for of on a regular basis life.”
Dr. Jakubowski says that, in the end, her mission is to equip dad and mom with the information and abilities vital to lift comfortable, wholesome youngsters. “By leveraging the facility of on-line platforms, I aspire to democratize entry to invaluable parenting insights and foster a neighborhood devoted to nurturing the following technology.”
This is the highest 5 truths youngsters with ADHD need you to know.
– ADHD is invisible. It isn’t make consider or an excuse to be lazy.
– They only cannot attempt more durable. If they might, they’d. They’re really working more durable than most kids.
– The hassle for them to slot in is monumental.
– They are not dangerous youngsters, although they don’t seem to be doing the anticipated conduct. They are not dangerous. They’re really working more durable and doing their finest.
– Harsh self-discipline is definitely counterproductive. It is really worse while you yell at your child. It isn’t getting the ADHD out of them. They do not have ADHD on account of dangerous parenting.
When your child comes house upset about one thing one other child stated to them that day, what do you do? What’s your go to? How have you learnt the way to assist them? The very first thing I do, I simply did this final week with a pupil, completely upset, one thing somebody stated within the class. They actually felt like they could not even return to class.
I had her stand and look throughout from her as if the individual was standing there and inform that individual every little thing they felt. What they needed, what they did not like. What they needed them to do, what they did not need to do. What they did that actually bothered them and simply ticked them off. No proper or mistaken reply, simply giving them that chance.
How typically do you might have that chance to try this? Not often, and also you’re not often going to say that to the individual as a result of a number of it’s stuff you’d, it is form of sudden and also you, you may not be the suitable factor to say. In order a mother or father, you can do this one step along with your child. One and over the opposite two steps.
There needs to be a non negotiable in each college, in each classroom on the planet. And that’s, it’s best to by no means discuss a pupil in entrance of one other pupil. It is really easy. You realize, issues occur. We get upset. We take these personally, the child does one thing and it simply, you realize, pushes our final nerve and pushes our final button.
I at all times say the mistaken factor. And you realize what? We acquired to make it a non negotiable. We aren’t going to speak a couple of child in entrance of every other pupil, every other youngster. That child, any child, we acquired to take it behind closed doorways. We owe that to our children. They deserve that stage of respect from us.
We additionally requested the skilled why she believes it is so frequent for dad and mom and educators to misconceive youngsters. “Firstly, there is a elementary communication barrier stemming from variations in perspective and expertise,” she famous. “Mother and father and lecturers typically view conditions by way of their very own lenses, which can not totally align with the kid’s actuality.”
“Secondly, societal expectations and norms can result in misconceptions about youngsters’s conduct,” Dr. Jakubowski continued. “There is a tendency to attribute sure actions to disobedience or laziness with out contemplating underlying elements equivalent to developmental levels, emotional struggles, or studying variations.”
“Furthermore, restricted time and assets can hinder the power to delve deeper into understanding a toddler’s wants,” the skilled says. “Each dad and mom and lecturers juggle a number of duties, leaving little room for in-depth commentary and communication.”
What does it do for you while you spend time in nature?
My mother-in-law from Poland is right here for 3 months and we attempt to go for a stroll on daily basis. We do not get out on daily basis, however each time I do, it simply completely refreshes me, refreshes me mentally, bodily, emotionally. It is superb the facility that nature has over.
Take your child out for a stroll in nature. Take them to the park. Allow them to discover exterior. Higher but, do one factor for you. What’s one thing you like to do for you? Do one factor to maintain your self right this moment. What’s it that simply refreshes you and refreshes you mentally and emotionally? Try this one factor.
Take that one factor and do it for your self. You are so busy taking good care of all people else and cease, maintain you. I am supplying you with permission to maintain you.
There’s 4 steps to assist your youngster after they mess up or fail.
– Even when your youngster makes a mistake massive or little, possibly on a check or an task or an audition, you title it, reassure them with there’s one thing we will be taught from this. – Success can also be achieved while you permit your youngster to stumble and by serving to them take a better look and mirror on what’s one factor they will do higher subsequent time. – All the time, at all times, at all times reward your youngster for his or her effort. Say it loud and proud, reward their effort. – Share your individual tales along with your child. The instances you failed, the instances you struggled with a colleague, with a buddy, a time you held your tongue, a time you fell brief, share along with your youngster the way you confronted it, what you realized from it, the brand new perspective you gained.
When a child is imply to your child and also you get upset, what do you do? How do you deal with that? This is what I do. I sit the primary child down by themselves and I am like, “what? Assist me perceive what occurred.” I at all times use that phrase. “Assist me perceive.” “Assist me perceive what occurred.” After which I might mute myself.
Simply shut up, do not say something, give them a chance to speak and share what it was like for them, what they went by way of, what they skilled, what they’re feeling. And then you definately sit the opposite youngster down and also you ask them to let you know the story of what occurred. Assist me perceive what occurred right here and pay attention, pay attention, pay attention.
Then after I deliver the 2 collectively, I say to the one like, “what did they are saying or do and the way did that make you’re feeling?” They usually clarify and share. After which I requested this youngster, “do you know that what they stated or did made you’re feeling that manner?” They usually normally do not understand how, what they did made the opposite child really feel that manner.
After which a number of instances it is two manner. So I say to the opposite child, like, “what did they do this upset you? And the way did that make you’re feeling? What did they are saying or do? What particularly did they are saying or do?” To offer them a chance to say it, to voice it, to have a chance to be listened and heard on either side.
And then you definately ask this child, “do you know what they stated or did made you’re feeling really feel that manner?” And a number of instances they actually do not, like I stated, we do not typically put ourselves in one other individual’s sneakers and one other individual’s perspective. And this course of helps.
I inform them you do not have to be finest pals however this course of helps them to know one another a bit higher. After which I ask, “what would you prefer to say or do to make this proper? What would you love to do to say, what would you love to do or say to make this proper?” And I simply encourage them to have a look at the individual as a result of typically taking a look at me as a result of I am speaking to you and I am like, do not have a look at me.
And typically I am going to simply look down and I am going to identical to look to the aspect in order that they will really talk that to them, you realize, after which the opposite individual will settle for their apology.
Dr. Jakubowski additionally famous that the stigma surrounding psychological well being and behavioral challenges might impede open dialogue and proactive intervention. “Worry of judgment or labeling can forestall dad and mom and lecturers from in search of help or acknowledging potential points early on,” she defined.
“Lastly, the dynamic nature of childhood and adolescence signifies that youngsters’s behaviors and wishes evolve quickly. Holding tempo with these adjustments requires ongoing communication, flexibility, and a willingness to adapt methods accordingly, which can not at all times be possible in busy households or school rooms,” the skilled says.
“Addressing these frequent misunderstandings requires a collaborative method that emphasizes empathy, lively listening, and a dedication to understanding the distinctive views of youngsters,” Dr. Jakubowski continued. “By fostering open communication and mutual respect between dad and mom, lecturers, and kids, we will domesticate environments the place misunderstandings are minimized, and significant connections flourish.”
What is the hardest factor about parenting for you proper now?
– The best way to mother or father the kid you might have, not the kid you want you had. – Letting your youngster expertise the ache of pure penalties or penalties typically. – Dealing with disgrace, judgment, and blame from others. – Coping when your youngster says, “I hate you, mother.”
This is the highest 5 abilities your youngsters ought to know earlier than they begin kindergarten.
– Train your youngster to tie their sneakers. – Train them the way to open a juice field. I do know it sounds so easy, however it’s actually vital. – Use the toilet, wash their fingers and button their pants. – Have them know their letters and their sounds and know the letters of the alphabet. – And final for them to know their first and final title and their cellphone quantity and handle.
This is seven ideas to assist your child get organized.
– Discover a system that works in your child. It may not be the identical system that works for you, so keep open minded about this.
– Show the significance of comply with by way of.
– Let their voice be heard. Allow them to have a voice. Pay attention, pay attention, hearken to them.
– Set achievable objectives, set affordable and achievable objectives with rewards. Allow them to choose the reward out so that they’re working in the direction of one thing that they need.
– Present loads of reinforcement. They are saying for each one essential factor you say, you gotta say like 5 extra positives.
– Lead by instance.
– Assist them get organized and assist them keep organized and be open minded.
Whereas there isn’t any doubt that Dr. Jakubowski has shared many beneficial ideas on-line, we needed to know which of them she considers to be most vital. “As a faculty principal and TikTok fanatic, I’ve had the privilege of sharing quite a few ideas and recommendation for fogeys by way of my movies. Among the many plethora of insights, if I have been to focus on essentially the most essential piece of recommendation, it might undoubtedly be the collaborative problem-solving course of,” she instructed Bored Panda.
“The collaborative problem-solving method is not only a approach; it is a mindset and a talent set that I’ve realized, utilized, and passionately shared with dad and mom and educators alike,” the skilled defined. “This course of encourages open communication, empathy, and teamwork between dad and mom, educators, and college students.”
I want I had realized this early on.
Children need energy and the management. So give your child two decisions. “Do you need to sit on this aspect or that aspect?” “Do you need to use the crayon or the marker?” “Do you need to go first or second?”
Once you give your child a selection, they really feel massive and in cost.
Teenagers are feeling lately like folks inform us to not be careworn, however nobody’s instructing us how to try this. So this is one technique you’ll be able to attempt to apply along with your youngster. It is referred to as feather respiratory.
Okay, this is what you do. Studying to breathe actually slowly with youngsters is commonly arduous to do. So do this. Use a feather to indicate them how. Place the feather on the desk and clarify.
Take a giant, deep inhale from manner down deep in your tummy. Breathe out of your lips. So the feather strikes slowly throughout the desk.
Put the feather on the desk, inform your youngster to take a giant, deep breath and blow simply sluggish sufficient to get the feather to maneuver throughout the desk.
And then you definately encourage them to maintain working towards and making an attempt till they will get that feather to maneuver easily and slowly and steadily throughout the desk.
You may also train your child to breathe with cleaning soap bubbles. You may say, “see how slowly and the way far you’ll be able to blow your bubble? Blow your worries distant from you.”
This is the primary hack to assist your youngsters in irritating conditions. The following time your youngster feels careworn or uncontrolled. Do that. Inform them to note the locations the place their physique is making direct contact with a floor, materials, or object. Have them scan their physique mentally. Paying shut consideration the place, for instance, the ground helps their ft.
How their toes are touching the within of their sneakers. Possibly really feel the sofa cushions feeling cosy in opposition to their again. The sensation of their fingers simply resting gently on their lap or form of simply resting at their aspect. This shifts their focus from the adverse or that anxious or upset feeling to a impartial or nice feeling.
It is a easy calming approach for them to attempt. They will apply this at their desk at college, using or sitting on the college bus. Throughout a check, they might do this.
“By emphasizing collaborative problem-solving, I encourage dad and mom to view challenges as alternatives for progress and improvement quite than obstacles,” Dr. Jakubowski continued. “It fosters a supportive surroundings the place everybody’s enter is valued, and options are crafted collectively, guaranteeing that the wants and views of all concerned events are taken under consideration.”
“By way of my TikTok movies and interactions with dad and mom, I repeatedly advocate for the collaborative problem-solving course of as a result of I’ve witnessed its transformative energy in constructing stronger relationships and fostering optimistic outcomes for youngsters’s schooling and well-being,” the skilled famous. “So, if there’s one piece of recommendation I can provide dad and mom, it is to embrace the collaborative problem-solving method wholeheartedly—it is a game-changer!”
The issue with our society is every little thing is quicker, more durable, stronger.
When society is encouraging us to suppose and be sooner, more durable, stronger. Once we decelerate and permit ourselfves to recharge we refuel and are extra productive. Schedule time to recharge. It could actually assist your youngster refuel and deal with future actions with a extra centered, calmer mindset.
This is the highest issues a child with autism desires you to know.
– Motion is focus. – Exclusion is simply not good. Attempt to discover one easy factor that you are able to do to assist them really feel included. – Some are visible and so they simply suppose principally in photos. – It doesn’t matter what they’re doing or what they hyper concentrate on, discover it, simply remember, and observe, and go together with it. Do not be afraid of it. Go along with it. Do not be nervous about it. Go along with it.
What do you do when your child says, I do not know. The following time your child says, I do not know, ask them this. “I do know you do not know, however should you did know, what would you say?” After which give them a minute, give them a second, take a deep breath. After which start the following query with, “I do know you may not know, and there isn’t any proper or mistaken reply, however should you did not know, what would you say?”
In terms of why it is so vital for fogeys to prioritize understanding their little ones, Dr. Jakubowski says it lays the muse for efficient communication, belief, and help inside the household dynamic. “When dad and mom take the time to really comprehend their youngsters, they will higher meet their emotional, social, and developmental wants,” she famous.
That is important for constructing belief. “When youngsters really feel understood by their dad and mom, they’re extra prone to belief them. This belief types the idea of a powerful parent-child relationship, permitting for open communication and a way of safety,” the skilled says.
It is also key for creating efficient communication. “Understanding a toddler’s distinctive character, preferences, and communication type permits dad and mom to tailor their interactions accordingly. This fosters clearer communication and minimizes misunderstandings or conflicts,” Dr. Jakubowski shared.
How do you get your child to be empathetic in an “all about me” world?
I really like the way in which Michelle Borba talks about empathy utilizing the ABCs. Hearken to this.
A is for affective empathy. Once we share one other’s emotions and really feel their feelings.
And B is for behavioral empathy. When empathetic considerations really rally us or put one thing inside us to say, I need to assist.
And the C is for cognitive empathy. Once we perceive one other’s ideas or actually step into their sneakers and really feel what they really feel, see what they see from their perspective.
Do you know that empathy boosts belief and reduces stress? Empathy boosts connectivity, creativity, and kindness. Get this, analysis says empathy is definitely a optimistic predictor of math and studying scores. And demanding pondering abilities. We started working on empathy with our children and empathy is teachable.
If you happen to’re having issue making pals, do this.
– Speak about taking turns and sharing. Attempt position taking part in completely different conditions the place they must deal with a disagreement. This actually helps them and teaches them within the second the way to use these abilities.
– Show these abilities in entrance of your family and friends so your youngster can see the suitable anticipated behaviors when interacting or socializing or making pals and connecting with others. They’re mirrors of us. They’re watching every little thing we do. They watch us greater than what we inform them to do. So mannequin the conduct for them.
– Organize playdates and even take your child to group actions to allow them to slowly get used to interacting and socializing with others in a smaller setting after which in a bigger setting.
– Speak about along with your youngster what sort of issues they need to see in a buddy. What sorts of issues they worth in a buddy in the direction of them and the way. They need to be these issues in the direction of anyone else
This is 5 belongings you most likely did not learn about your 5 yr previous.
– They are saying life is nice. – Throughout this one yr, your kid’s going to go from being cautious and compliant to unsure and oppositional. – Early within the yr, they like to assist out and comply with the principles and be good. After which both they might check or oppose the grownup authority and to indicate uncertainty. They are not positive whether or not to be good or naughty. Did you discover that about your child?
– They want constant guidelines and enforcement. They reply properly to clear, easy expectations.
– They want empathetic self-discipline. They check limits and make errors.
Dr. Jakubowski additionally says that higher understanding our kids helps their improvement. “Every youngster is completely different, with their very own strengths, weaknesses, and pursuits. By understanding their youngsters, dad and mom can present applicable steerage and help to assist them thrive academically, socially, and emotionally,” she defined.
It additionally permits dad and mom to acknowledge their youngsters’s wants, which will be particularly useful for youths who wrestle with expressing their emotions or articulating what they want.
Understanding your kiddos helps promote shallowness as properly. “When dad and mom present understanding and acceptance in the direction of their youngsters, it boosts their shallowness and confidence,” the skilled defined. “Feeling understood validates their emotions and experiences, serving to them develop a optimistic sense of self.”
Anyone else hate this when your mother stated this to you as a child, “you’ll be able to’t have these sneakers you need as a result of we won’t afford them.” Do not say that to your child.
Cash patterns are set by the age of seven. And this is two issues you need to train your child. As a substitute of claiming what you’ll be able to’t purchase, say “that is what we’re selecting to purchase and use our cash for as an alternative.”
And the second factor, present your youngster a sale. Like, “Hey, this was 100 {dollars} and now it is on sale for 30. You may get three Tories for the value of 1.”
Your child is observing your cash habits. They’re at all times watching you.
5 rituals for a optimistic morning routine along with your youngsters.
– Everybody shares a rose, a thorn and a bud, one thing that is going properly, one thing that is not going properly and one thing that they are grateful for.
– Everybody solutions an excellent morning query. What are you most enthusiastic about right this moment? What’s one intention you might have for right this moment?
– Everybody describes how they’re feeling. Proper now I am feeling, right this moment I need to really feel.
– Everybody says a self love affirmation. This is some examples. Put your hand in your coronary heart and repeat. “It is okay to make errors. I deserve love like anyone else. I really like and settle for myself simply the way in which I’m proper now.”
– Everybody offers a praise or thanks somebody within the household for one thing. Each morning is your alternative to wire your kid’s mind for optimism, gratitude, and self love.
Lastly, understanding your youngsters will assist them navigate challenges. “Parenting comes with its challenges, and understanding youngsters helps dad and mom navigate these hurdles extra successfully. Whether or not it is coping with tantrums, tutorial struggles, or peer strain, a deep understanding of their youngsters permits dad and mom to method these challenges with empathy and persistence,” Dr. Jakubowski says.
“In essence, when dad and mom work to know their youngsters, they create a nurturing surroundings the place their youngsters really feel seen, heard, and supported,” she added. “This understanding types the bedrock of a powerful parent-child relationship, laying the groundwork for his or her youngsters’s emotional well-being and general improvement.”
The following time your child is feeling anxious or panicky, do this. Ask your youngster to consider a selected time after they have been comfortable. Ask them, really feel what you’re feeling, hear what you heard, see what you noticed, then inform them the following time you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, return to that second in your thoughts. Replay that have again and again in your thoughts. A good time to do that and apply it along with your youngster is correct earlier than you go to mattress. Have them consider an expertise the place they felt so stuffed with pleasure, so comfortable, so excited, one in every of their finest moments. Have them see what they see, hear what they hear, and really feel what they felt. In that comfortable second, the extra optimistic experiences they will bear in mind, the extra they will replay them of their thoughts to spice up their emotional state.
Whether or not you might have youngsters or not, we hope you’re having fun with this checklist of ideas, pandas! We should always all be searching for the youthful generations, together with our pals’ youngsters and our nieces and nephews, so it’s at all times nice to learn to higher perceive them. Maintain upvoting the recommendation you agree with, and should you’re fascinated by studying one other Bored Panda article that includes parenting hacks, look no additional than proper right here!
The highest three issues your youngster wants from you.
How do you get your 8 to 10 yr previous to hearken to you with out yelling? Begin with a optimistic angle. Children have a troublesome time with self regulation. So in the event that they see you upset, they get upset. In the event that they see you calm, they finally mirror and match your calmness. So be affected person, take a deep breath, affected person.
This is the highest 5 issues you do not say to a child with trauma. 
This is the highest 5 truths youngsters with ADHD need you to know. 
When your child comes house upset about one thing one other child stated to them that day, what do you do? What’s your go to? How have you learnt the way to assist them? The very first thing I do, I simply did this final week with a pupil, completely upset, one thing somebody stated within the class. They actually felt like they could not even return to class.
There needs to be a non negotiable in each college, in each classroom on the planet. And that’s, it’s best to by no means discuss a pupil in entrance of one other pupil. It is really easy. You realize, issues occur. We get upset. We take these personally, the child does one thing and it simply, you realize, pushes our final nerve and pushes our final button.
What does it do for you while you spend time in nature? 
There’s 4 steps to assist your youngster after they mess up or fail. 
When a child is imply to your child and also you get upset, what do you do? How do you deal with that? This is what I do. I sit the primary child down by themselves and I am like, “what? Assist me perceive what occurred.” I at all times use that phrase. “Assist me perceive.” “Assist me perceive what occurred.” After which I might mute myself.
What is the hardest factor about parenting for you proper now? 
This is the highest 5 abilities your youngsters ought to know earlier than they begin kindergarten. 
This is seven ideas to assist your child get organized. 
I want I had realized this early on. 
Teenagers are feeling lately like folks inform us to not be careworn, however nobody’s instructing us how to try this. So this is one technique you’ll be able to attempt to apply along with your youngster. It is referred to as feather respiratory. 
This is the primary hack to assist your youngsters in irritating conditions. The following time your youngster feels careworn or uncontrolled. Do that. Inform them to note the locations the place their physique is making direct contact with a floor, materials, or object. Have them scan their physique mentally. Paying shut consideration the place, for instance, the ground helps their ft.
The issue with our society is every little thing is quicker, more durable, stronger. 
This is the highest issues a child with autism desires you to know. 
What do you do when your child says, I do not know. The following time your child says, I do not know, ask them this. “I do know you do not know, however should you did know, what would you say?” After which give them a minute, give them a second, take a deep breath. After which start the following query with, “I do know you may not know, and there isn’t any proper or mistaken reply, however should you did not know, what would you say?” 
How do you get your child to be empathetic in an “all about me” world? 
If you happen to’re having issue making pals, do this. 
This is 5 belongings you most likely did not learn about your 5 yr previous. 
Anyone else hate this when your mother stated this to you as a child, “you’ll be able to’t have these sneakers you need as a result of we won’t afford them.” Do not say that to your child. 
5 rituals for a optimistic morning routine along with your youngsters. 
The following time your child is feeling anxious or panicky, do this. Ask your youngster to consider a selected time after they have been comfortable. Ask them, really feel what you’re feeling, hear what you heard, see what you noticed, then inform them the following time you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, return to that second in your thoughts. Replay that have again and again in your thoughts. A good time to do that and apply it along with your youngster is correct earlier than you go to mattress. Have them consider an expertise the place they felt so stuffed with pleasure, so comfortable, so excited, one in every of their finest moments. Have them see what they see, hear what they hear, and really feel what they felt. In that comfortable second, the extra optimistic experiences they will bear in mind, the extra they will replay them of their thoughts to spice up their emotional state. 
