It’s the morning after Amber Liu’s first headline present in London – an infectiously joyous second – and she or he’s able to get deep. “Up to now two years, I did a variety of remedy,” she tells NME, sitting on a settee in a lodge room a stone’s throw from final night time’s venue. “I really feel like I’ve additionally very a lot modified as an individual.”
You possibly can hear a few of that change in Liu’s latest releases. Though there’s all the time been a component of self-reflection woven into her songs, her newest materials has amplified that feeling. On ‘hatemyself’, launched in November 2023, the f(x) member bought susceptible about her journey with self-acceptance and studying to do the other of the title. “Is that this all I might be?/However I’ll strive with endurance/Although it appears ineffective,” she sings, softly decided to really feel higher about herself.
‘No Extra Unhappy Songs’ – a vivid, buoyant slice of consolation – gives reassurance and positivity, each in efforts to cheer somebody up (“Pour the champagne, throw all of your worries away”) and permitting them to really feel their emotions (“Don’t have to cease your tears, you understand it’s alright”).
“I used to not know what to speak about in my remedy classes,” she explains. “So we’d begin off speaking about my day, after which my therapist would information me by way of issues. Now, I’m like, ‘I really feel this, and that is what I wish to do’ – it’s much more intuitive.” Getting comfy with speaking about her feelings has impacted each her day-to-day life and her songwriting in huge methods: “I’m extra grounded now, and I’m studying the vocabulary of how I’m feeling.”
That’s evident all through NME’s dialog with Liu. As she discusses how she’s studying to grasp herself higher, gaining new ranges of connection together with her household and heritage, and recalibrating on her journey as an artist, she unintentionally shares quite a few life classes particular to her expertise however relevant to us all.
Permitting your self to really feel “adverse feelings” may help you thru the tough patches
“I believe positively for me – and my pal group, or household – I’ve felt like if I wish to cry, it’s one thing to be embarrassed about,” Liu says. Due to these emotions, it’s been arduous for the Taiwanese-American musician to let the tears fall when she must, preferring to “push these adverse feelings” down and suppress them. Though she doesn’t cry usually now, she’s not afraid to. “It’s a quite simple image of feeling down, and I wish to inform myself it’s okay to cry and be happy with these tears since you have been holding in a lot.”
Though her tour is titled ‘No Extra Unhappy Songs’, when she’s performing extra downhearted tracks in her set, she additionally feels pleasure. “I’m singing a extremely unhappy tune, however in my head, I’m like, ‘Good job, Amber! You knew the way you felt!’” She laughs. “That was all the time my greatest drawback rising up – aside from ‘constructive’ feelings, I didn’t wish to course of any ‘adverse’ feelings, aside from ‘I’m unhappy’.”
Just lately, although, she’s discovered therapeutic in going through as much as these much less sunny emotions: “Studying to essentially be comfy with feeling these ‘adverse’ feelings has positively helped me perceive not solely cope and overcome these slumps, however to be okay with speaking about it an increasing number of.”
Amber Liu. Credit score: Christian Haahs
The way you establish inside your self is extra necessary than the labels different folks placed on you
Liu has lengthy been often known as an androgynous determine in music, as a member of her Ok-pop woman group f(x) and in her solo journey. In her music video for her newest single ‘Nightfall Until Daybreak’, although, she explored a extra female aspect of her id. Identical to her feelings, it was one thing she wanted to get comfy with. “The femininity was clearly all the time in me,” she causes. “However I used to be like, ‘What if I simply actually embraced it and was not afraid to say that that is a part of me?’”
The masculine facet of Liu did, she acknowledges, start together with her however was intensified by the Ok-pop business and those that formed her public-facing picture. At the moment, she was advised that her followers wished her to be extra masculine. “I naturally simply developed this sense that being female wasn’t an choice for me,” she admits. As she’s gone on this journey of self-discovery and understanding, she’s grow to be extra certain and assured in who she is, and now received’t enable anybody to inform her who that’s.
“Now I’m like, ‘Yeah, I’m a woman, again the fuck up!’” she grins playfully. “Generally folks say, ‘That’s actually girly for you,’ and I’m like, ‘I’m a woman…’ However I don’t care anymore what folks label me as – how I label myself and establish inside who I’m is extra necessary, and if somebody’s like, ‘How do you’re feeling?’, I’ll share my two cents.”
Above all else, what issues most is whether or not you’re comfortable
Rising up, Liu’s relationship together with her mom was good however disconnected. Her mum struggled with English, whereas Liu had her personal battles with Mandarin. “The one approach my mum was in a position to present love was simply to assist us do issues by way of actions, like taking me and my sister to high school or serving to us clear up,” she explains. During the last couple of years, the musician has spent extra time in China and drilled down on studying her mum’s native tongue, permitting them to strengthen their connection.
Now that the pair can have deeper conversations, Liu’s mindset and perspective have been guided extra by her mom. “She’s all the time simply wished me to be comfortable,” she says, alluding to a query she’s all the time confronted with of their chats. “She’s all the time actually given me that sense of ‘Am I doing issues for the appropriate purpose?’ Now that I’m on Chinese language tv, she’s like, ‘I noticed these movies, and I’m so happy with you, however are you cheerful?’”
Though she says her dad and mom have by no means pressured her to chase success, cash or fame, she has by no means wished to really feel like their sacrifices are going to waste. At one level, Liu requested her mum what she calls “one of many hardest questions”: if she give up music and did one thing else, would she love her any much less? “I used to be genuinely curious, and she or he was like, ‘Amber, have you ever simply felt such as you’re doing all this for me and your dad?’ She was like, ‘I hope you don’t really feel that approach – all I would like for you is to search out your passions and stay a fulfilled life.’”
That query of happiness has now grow to be one thing of a behavior, with the 31-year-old asking herself it all through the day. “After I depart this earth, the one query I’ll wish to ask myself is, ‘Did I stay a fulfilled life?’ I’m studying to not solely have enjoyable whereas working but additionally have enjoyable simply dwelling life.”
Amber Liu. Credit score: Christian Haahs
By no means lose sight of your objective
Asking her mum how she’d really feel if Liu give up music wasn’t completely hypothetical. There was some extent the place the artist was questioning her future within the business and whether or not she would begin one thing new as an alternative. Figuring out the reply to that conundrum required her to dig deep and ask herself who she wished to be – as an individual, a daughter, a sister and an artist – and step again and actually replicate on who she is.
“Up to now, I wished to be an enormous star and had all these excessive expectations of myself,” she says, however now she’s discovered a brand new motivation. “Now I believe, ‘If nine-year-old Amber noticed 31-year-old Amber, how would she really feel?’ After I was 9, I accepted that I like pants and was actually into sports activities. I used to be concerned in a variety of faculty actions and there weren’t a variety of ladies concerned, so I used to be principally hanging with my man buddies. However nine-year-old Amber additionally felt very a lot alone – it felt proper to be in these locations, however on the similar time, it felt very lonely.”
There have been instances when it’s been arduous for Liu to recollect her objective. When determining her future, she needed to reconnect with that and entangle two issues – if she nonetheless liked music (“By no means a query”) and the business. “One choice I considered was recording songs only for myself and by no means releasing them.” As an alternative, she determined to proceed on her path due to her nine-year-old self. Liu holds up her hand in entrance of her face as if she’s holding up a mirror. “I wish to do that for you,” she says, firmly however gently and full of affection.
Amber Liu’s newest single ‘Nightfall Until Daybreak’ is accessible to stream on Spotify, Apple Music and extra.
