Not me however my mother who used to show youthful youngsters as soon as had a child inform her that the children mother really had a p*nis too, identical to dads do. My mother reacted with scepticism after which the child blurted out ”No she actually does, I’ve seen it myself in her bed room drawer”.
My stepdaughter was about 5/6 once I bought pregnant together with her half brother, I used to be getting dressed one morning and she or he seemed on the stretchmarks on my 7/8 month alongside stomach and requested ‘why did the child write throughout your tummy’? Nonetheless one in every of my most treasured reminiscences of when she was little!
Was finding out for a math examination in faculty and a few household buddies introduced their little child for dinner. Little man discovered his approach in my room, stated he is good at math and requested if he might assist. “Eh I do not know, how do you draw the power plot of a sq. sign?”, and this child, confidently amd with out lacking a beat, “With a pencil”.
My then-4 yr outdated was carrying a Darth Vader t shirt that stated “VADER” throughout the picture of the dude, the place the little triangle of the “A” was lined as much as the triangle on Vaders masks. Fairly cool proper?
Conservative uncle was complimenting his shirt. My little man replied “Thanks! And hey look. The A-hole is his mouth!!” 💀 I believe uncles soul left his physique. Child had no thought why everybody was laughing so arduous.
Jogs my memory of when my mother was child images of me, and there was an image of her and tiny me on her lap. i requested the place my youthful brother was, since he wasn’t within the photograph, and she or he responded with “he is in mommy’s tummy.” this was the primary time my acutely aware thoughts had been launched to the idea of being pregnant, as my response was a wide-eyed glare adopted by “YOU ATE HIM???”
So one in every of my closest buddies earlier than we bought actually shut and simply bought to know is one another we might face time and on day in face time she launched me to her household and someday I visited my besties home and the very first thing one in every of her little sisters says is “you look even uglier in particular person”.
(Speaking s**t is our love language, no emotions had been damage) To not me, however my daughters had been bickering and my youngest says “no less than I wasn’t an accident!” and her sister did not miss a beat and shot again “no, you had been a mistake”. I laughed so rattling arduous.
I labored at a film theatre that just lately was getting s**t on due to new folks within the firm making poor selections. I had been planning to depart for some time, and on one of many rougher days, I used to be serving to a mother and her two children. The youngest daughter, I would say was possibly 7-9, was ready for her mother to complete ordering meals, after which requested me, “do you hate your job?”
I virtually broke laughing proper in entrance of them, and I needed to reassure to the mother that it wasn’t precisely an misplaced query. I hope that child goes locations.
I labored at a summer time camp the place, on a chilly and blustery day, a boy on the swim pond loudly and repeatedly cried, “I’VE LOST MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!”
We evacuated the swim pond and began the method for an all-hands pond search. It was at this level that one of many lifeguards observed the child’s palms frantically cupping his swim shorts: this was his first time experiencing shrinkage.
An lovely, four-year-old Trick Or Treater rang my doorbell. She seemed like Cindy Lou Who from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. As I used to be giving her a sweet bar, she seemed me squarely within the eye and stated, ‘My dad and mom are getting again collectively once more. I do not know what occurred to my Dad’s girlfriend. My mom hated her.’
Our first grader daughter advised us that she broke up together with her crush. She stated,” I dont have a crush on him anymore, he’s so annoying. I would like any individual who’s critical,good and who really listens and makes a very good group.”
We requested her the small print and advised us, she was partnered together with her crush throughout their class exercise they usually solely bought 1 level,as a result of this explicit boy was simply so foolish and never good in listening.
I returned to skateboarding after 30 years away. I used to be at a neighborhood skate park and ate s**t. Whereas I used to be on my again checking my inner programs to find out if something was damaged or bleeding, a younger child rolls up and says, “Rattling, are you okay grandpa?!” 🤨😆.
I labored at a day take care of a bit they usually stated humorous s**t on a regular basis.. one in every of my favorites was after we had been going over hearth security and the principle trainer requested the category.. what do you do if you happen to’re on hearth? A 3y/o woman shoots her hand up within the air and yells “STOP DROP AND ROCK N ROLL!!!”.
Years in the past I had a goatee and moustache combo. My cousins 7 yr outdated daughter advised me that my mouth seemed like a v*gina. On the time I used to be simply “um, okay”. Although now I discover it a shaggy dog story.
After I was deployed to Afghanistan we bought a package deal from a bunch of elementary college children. They despatched playing cards, sweet, and snacks. On one of many playing cards was a drawing of a graphic firefight with a bunch of lifeless troopers. The one factor the cardboard stated was I hope you do not die. It made everybody chortle and we hung it up in our room lol.
Briefly labored as a volunteer at a pre-school (ages 3-5) and I used to be sitting serving to a few the children put a puzzle collectively and one in every of them randomly stated, “Can I rap for you?” I used to be stunned however thought how dangerous might it’s? He then proceeded to rap whereas his buddy tried to beatbox.
I used to be strolling right into a retailer and there was just a little boy round 7 standing simply contained in the door and when he noticed me he turned to me and stated with heartfelt anguish “She stated she was solely going to be 5 minutes!”.
I work in a faculty, so I hear amazingly ridiculous issues on daily basis, however one of the best one I’ve ever heard nonetheless goes to a lady referred to as Vanessa in science once I was at highschool.
The trainer was explaining the idea of the Huge Bang. Vanessa’s hand shoots as much as ask a query, the trainer says “sure?” And Vanessa says staring on the ceiling in what seemed like deep thought “so… is that what killed the dinosaurs?”.
I used to be looking at a pillar and the child was standing in entrance of me he stated “You’ll be able to strive all you need however solely I can win this staring contest you don’t know I’m”.
My older cousin was obsessive about Shrek. He bought a toy microphone for Christmas one yr, and was taking part in with it within the basement whereas the adults went upstairs for espresso, and rapidly they hear him singing Child Bought Again, which donkey sings on the finish of Shrek. However my cousin, who could not have been greater than 4 on the time, did not know the phrases, so what he really sang was “I like massive butts and I can not lie, and I prefer it with pumpkin pie.”.
When i used to be at my gfs place for the third time or so her niece requested my gf if we she desires to marry me. My gf laughed and stated no, thats approach too early. her 7 yr outdated niece then stated: that is proper, higher search for a man with extra qualities. I used to be speechless.
It wasn’t to me, however to my brother in regulation. He was driving in his truck along with his toddler daughter safely belted into her automobile seat. To maintain her amused throughout the drive he was asking her what noises completely different animals make.
“What does a cow say?”
“Moo”
“What does a pig say?”
“Oink, oink!”
Then he determined to mess together with her and asks “What does a turtle say?”
She was silent for a second as she considered it, then busted out in a giant smile and stated “Kowabunga dude!”.
I used to be at a park with my little brother and a few child got here as much as him and requested to play. My little brother is shy and kinda hid behind my leg and advised the opposite child no thanks. This child had the angriest look and stated “WELL THAT’S WHY MY DAD CAN BEAT YOUR DAD”. My little brother began to cry so I picked him as much as consolation him, one other little boy is available in and tells the impolite boy “I don’t suppose you’ve a dad, h*e”. After which proceeded to run off whereas the impolite boy cried to his mother. I ended up telling my dad about it and we nonetheless chortle to today over it.
“Why do I’ve to take heed to you, pointy neck?”-from a scholar at a program for developmentally delayed youngsters. My ego and Adam’s apple had been by no means the identical.
I had just a little child ask me how a lot I receives a commission at my job in entrance of my coworker. Then after I stated I cant say requested why, so I needed to try to elucidate why grown ups do not try this, then he goes “so not quite a bit then?” I used to be simply defeated at that time lol why the mother did not intervene? beats me 🤷♂️He didnt get it lol. 😂.
I used to run a small tire store in the course of nowhere. We had this one fairly tough buyer who would are available in all the time in search of a handout (one thing on credit score). Properly she is available in someday with one other sob story, and speaking about how she is aware of my father (he owned the place, I simply managed it), and the way we must always give her a tire at this time and let her pay for it later.
At this level, her son within the automobile, who can’t be any older than about 7 or 8, leans out the window and yells ‘You ain’t bought credit score nowhere, momma! That’s what the final man stated!’
Im doing my greatest to carry it collectively at this level, and I’m doing a a lot better job than my brother, who I can hear within the workplace behind me laughing his a*s off. I don’t know who this final man was, however he was clearly smart past his years.
Sooner or later, I used to be gathering homework from my 11-year-olds, and out of nowhere, the quietest, most reserved woman within the class pulls her homework out from behind her again, shoves it in my face, and exclaims, “SURPRISE, M**********R!”
The inflection was EXACTLY the identical because the meme from Dexter.
I needed to maintain again my laughter so arduous as a result of it was in the course of class, however the second the scholars left the classroom, I could not comprise myself. I used to be almost in tears.
My son had two on me that stick in my thoughts *random dialog* Child – “Daddy it is since you’re fats” Me – “whereas True, that is not humorous” Child – “it is just a little humorous” *holds up hand exhibiting just a little bit* I want I might bear in mind the dialog. However his timing was good…and it actually was a number of bit humorous. Second one: *provides first pair of massive Child underwear* “DAAAAAAAD DAD!!! I’ve a P*NIS POCKET!!!” he then ran round singing “p*nis pocket” along with his hand shoved within the entrance of his underwear. I could not even breathe I used to be laughing so arduous.
One among my favorites was when my cousin Burke was about 7 years outdated and his household took a street journey to get to our place for Christmas. This little man hops out of the minivan, runs at my Dad screaming “nuts up Mr. Brian!” And punched my Dad proper within the balls, funniest factor I’ve ever seen.
My neighbor’s daughter, like 6 or 7, has stated a pair issues that stand out. I gave her and her brother every on of the synthetic mini koi ponds that I make and promote, every little thing in it synthetic apart from stones and the water is resin, and she or he instantly says that she goes to feed the little fish batteries. I ask why batteries and she or he simply shrugs her shoulders.
Son’s pal advised me that his dad and mom get mad at him for taking lengthy showers. He then stated “they act like I am hogging all the new water, however um, no I am not! It is florida, the water is already scorching once they pump it in from the ocean, duh!!”.
I used to be speaking to my 4yr outdated cousin and that i stated one thing alongside the strains of “oh thats legit” and she or he stated “the phrase legit scares me it makes me consider monsters” undecided what solid that affiliation in her mind however.
I work in a daycare as an educator. Sooner or later I used to be working with the preschool room (roughly 2.5-4 years outdated). At random the kids created a kind of recreation with me, the place they might declare to be completely different meals after which i might pinch their jacket and mime consuming to fake I used to be consuming that meals (e.g. “I am a broccoli”)
After a short while of solely utilizing meals, among the youngsters began itemizing non-foods (e.g. “I am a monkey”, “I am a worm”), to which I’d give a giant exaggerated response alongside the strains of “a worm? I do not wish to eat that!
The one response that broke my composure that I simply couldn’t handle to play together with due to laughing/shock: “I am a catastrophe!”.
Just a few years in the past, my nephew (5 years outdated on the time) seemed up on the night time sky and stated “Oh no… the celebs are out” I requested him why he stated “Oh no?” He replied “As a result of the celebs can see into my soul”
Just a few years in the past when my cousin was 3, it was Christmas and we had been elevating turkeys on the farm to promote and some to maintain for ourselves, he had seen them for the few months earlier than after which the subsequent time he noticed one was after it had been plucked and ready. He had this quizzical look on his face and stated “however… The place is his face?”.
I stated “take me again to 2016!”. My brother advised me “why do you say it?” I advised him that it’s a nostalgia transfer that means that I miss the time I used to be 8. He advised me “take me again to 2026!”.
Me: Good to satisfy you. Your title is Dillon proper? Youthful brother of pal I am simply assembly: are you boy or woman Me: I am a man, why? Youthful Brother of pal: Your a lady. You could have lengthy hair Me: No I am not Child: Sure you might be Me: Bro I am not. Is likely to be suprising however I would really know. Child: Why do you haven’t any eyebrows?
Some time again my little sister requested me if I used to be pregnant, so I stated sure. She then proceeded to yell at my abdomen, saying “I don’t need you” about twice. earlier than wanting up in direction of me asking “why do u have a child in your tummy” she didn’t look so comfortable about it.
Idk, a pair of children requested me if I needed a random rock whereas I used to be on a stroll the opposite day. Took me a stable 10 seconds to react, and eventually stated “yeah, I’d love a rock” it’s only a cute little chunk of brick wall I’m *now obligated to treasure without end, nbd.
Was once I was additionally a child. Most likely 12 or 13 years outdated.
We had been having a giant sleepover at a pal’s home. It was like 3 within the morning, and we got here up from the basement to the bottom flooring to see a giant blanket of snow outdoors. Naturally, had been like “dude, let’s go outdoors and stroll on the lake.”
One of many guys had a little bit of a lisp, and he stated incredulously, “you’ll be able to’t go on the market! You’ll break your ankles off!” It was the mixture of the ridiculous thought of somebody really breaking their ankles fully off, how honest he was when he stated it, and the lisp that killed us.
Omg and one of many cutest issues one in every of my pal’s children stated to me… he was doing karaoke at my home and I stated Child, you’re a Rockstar! And he responds all emotional like.. “noooo, I’m little” 😭.
Not me however my mother who used to show youthful youngsters as soon as had a child inform her that the children mother really had a p*nis too, identical to dads do. My mother reacted with scepticism after which the child blurted out ”No she actually does, I’ve seen it myself in her bed room drawer”. 
My stepdaughter was about 5/6 once I bought pregnant together with her half brother, I used to be getting dressed one morning and she or he seemed on the stretchmarks on my 7/8 month alongside stomach and requested ‘why did the child write throughout your tummy’? Nonetheless one in every of my most treasured reminiscences of when she was little! 
My children had been getting within the automobile when my daughter (7) elbowed my son (5) between the legs, dialog went as follows…
So one in every of my closest buddies earlier than we bought actually shut and simply bought to know is one another we might face time and on day in face time she launched me to her household and someday I visited my besties home and the very first thing one in every of her little sisters says is “you look even uglier in particular person”. 
(Speaking s**t is our love language, no emotions had been damage)
I labored at a summer time camp the place, on a chilly and blustery day, a boy on the swim pond loudly and repeatedly cried, “I’VE LOST MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!” 
