Present giving doesn’t come naturally to everybody. Regardless of how nicely you assume you realize an individual, until you current them with one thing they’ve explicitly requested for, it may be difficult to know the way they’ll reply to a gift.
One man just lately discovered that lesson the exhausting approach, after stunning his girlfriend with a present that he thought would make her really feel extra assured. Beneath, you’ll discover the total story that he shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, in addition to a dialog with Tina Wilson, relationship professional and founding father of the relationship app Wingman.
Not everybody has a knack for getting the right presents
To study extra about how controversial the reward of lingerie is, we reached out to Tina Wilson, relationship professional and founding father of the relationship app Wingman. Tina was variety sufficient to have a chat with Bored Panda, noting that “any reward you purchase must be a present for the receiver, not one thing that you just like or like for them. A present must be based mostly on what you realize about them, and what they like and dislike.”
Tina additionally says that lingerie specifically is a particularly dangerous reward. “It subconsciously suggests you wish to see that individual in it, due to this fact a present to your eyes, and never a lot for the receiver,” she defined. “The intimate sense of lingerie speaks to nudity and the bed room, so if somebody will not be feeling assured, it’s the very final thing that they’d want to obtain.”
“When contemplating a present to your accomplice, actually take into consideration their pursuits and passions,” Tina suggests. “You’ll at all times make the best alternative in case you purchase one thing they are going to actually love/cherish and make use out of.”
“Somebody who will not be assured goes to really feel much more self aware in one thing she’s been given to mannequin”
We had been additionally curious what Tina thought concerning the man’s concept that purchasing his accomplice lingerie would make her really feel extra assured. “Lingerie is a private alternative, and somebody shopping for their accomplice underwear to make them really feel a sure approach, will not be ever going to work,” she instructed Bored Panda. “If something, somebody who will not be assured goes to really feel much more self aware in one thing she’s been given to mannequin.”
“This man utterly missed her very clear level that she most well-liked ‘plain’ underwear,” Tina added. “If she was proud of plain underwear it’s definitely not his position to be telling her what to put on to make her extra assured or please him ultimately. This man would possibly very nicely have meant nicely, however I think it had extra to do with how he needs her to appear and feel in lingerie, relatively than how she truly feels.”
The connection professional says that the best way to make her really feel extra assured and cozy is to take it at her tempo and adore her in each plain little bit of underwear she chooses to put on. “He ought to have stopped to contemplate how she would really feel receiving it (as he clearly hoped she’d throw it on and soar on him),” Tina famous.
“He ought to have stopped to contemplate issues that she finds particular, treats that she offers herself and doubled up on that. If she’s feeling unconfident, getting her one thing that’s only for her – ought to have been apparent,” she continued. “A beautiful therapeutic massage at her favourite spa, a particular lunch at her favourite restaurant, or a pleasant deliberate getaway to a enjoyable venue like an amusement park – would have had a a lot hotter reception, and more likely to make her really feel extra assured, even in her plain underwear.”
“Items we obtain and provides to a accomplice symbolize the bond between two folks”
We had been additionally curious what the connection professional believes the presents we change say about {our relationships}. “Items we obtain and provides to a accomplice symbolize the bond between two folks. Generic presents are lazy and lack attentiveness to the opposite’s wants. On some ranges, whereas presents could appear superficial on the floor, they really replicate the hassle put in, and in the end how a lot they perceive and actually know for the opposite individual,” she defined.
Lastly, Tina added some clever phrases for this explicit couple. “On this scenario, to maneuver on from it, the girlfriend ought to attempt to perceive her boyfriend, deep down, had the best intentions however didn’t present it in the best approach,” she shared. “The boyfriend must also perceive why his girlfriend reacted in that approach and subsequent time strive a special method to specific his love.”
We’d love to listen to your ideas on this story within the feedback beneath, pandas. Then, in case you’re excited by studying one other Bored Panda article discussing the same scenario, look no additional than proper right here!
Some readers took the girlfriend’s facet, telling the person they weren’t satisfied the current wasn’t for him
Whereas others gave the person the good thing about the doubt, noting that he might have merely dealt with the scenario higher
And a few thought the scenario was merely a misunderstanding the place nobody was at fault
