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Tesla lately sought shareholder approval to revive Elon Musk’s $56 billion pay package deal, which was rejected by a Delaware choose. The Onion requested Tesla followers to clarify why Elon Musk deserves the $56 billion payout.
Paul Suchecki, Paralegal
“If the inventor of the car doesn’t deserve $56 billion, who does?”
Tyrone Jackson, Brewmaster
Tyrone Jackson, Brewmaster
“Remedies for no matter makes him like which are in all probability fairly costly.”
Miguel Santos, Cybersecurity Analyst
Miguel Santos, Cybersecurity Analyst
“I’m unsure why he deserves it, however my Neuralink implant is telling me to maintain killing till he will get it.”
Greg Ipser, Laptop Programmer
Greg Ipser, Laptop Programmer
“Ignoring, verbally abusing, and publicly disowning his 10 youngsters is costlier than you assume.”
Glenn Morris, Actual Property Agent
Glenn Morris, Actual Property Agent
“He can use it to purchase garments that match.”
Leo Waltham, Lab Tech
“If we don’t give him $56 billion, how is he alleged to waste $56 billion?”
Rosemary Jacobson, Delaware Tourism Board
Rosemary Jacobson, Delaware Tourism Board
“In any other case he could maintain a grudge in opposition to the state of Delaware and miss out on our many scenic bike trails and tax-free buying excursions.”
Lena Wong, Architect
“It’s gotta be agonizing solely having $175 billion within the financial institution. What if he has a medical emergency? What if he will get laid off?”
Luca Rossi, Catastrophe Restoration Specialist
Luca Rossi, Catastrophe Restoration Specialist
“No matter makes him shut up for a short while.”
Scott Robinson, Unemployed
Scott Robinson, Unemployed
“After little one assist, he’d nonetheless have, like, $20 to spend on one thing enjoyable.”
Nolan Mercer, Scholar
“Who else are you going to offer all that cash to? The employees?”
Elijah Carter, Environmental Scientist
Elijah Carter, Environmental Scientist
“He simply appears so unhappy in all the photographs. Possibly it will cheer him up?”
Byron Clark, Psychologist
Byron Clark, Psychologist
“I’m fairly positive his birthday is arising quickly.”
Daniel Inexperienced, Pastry Chef
Daniel Inexperienced, Pastry Chef
“The value of ketamine has gone up loads lately.”
Ryan Baker, Skilled Organizer
Ryan Baker, Skilled Organizer
“The earlier he will get that $56 billion, the earlier he can die on an ill-fated journey to Mars.”
Sasha Kastelman, Ph.D. Scholar
Sasha Kastelman, Ph.D. Scholar
“I wish to see him withdraw that a lot cash in money, mild it on fireplace together with his flamethrower, and yell, ‘Booya!’”
Claudia Reichardt, Tesla Worker
Claudia Reichardt, Tesla Worker
“Extra little one assist for me!”
Malik Crawford, Cruise Ship Entertainer
Malik Crawford, Cruise Ship Entertainer
“Look, should you’re caught speaking to a coked-out Elon, you’d pay something to depart the dialog.”
George Ruiz, Fish Culturist
George Ruiz, Fish Culturist
“His final $56 billion was in a kind of autopiloted Teslas that drove itself off the highway.”
You’ve Made It This Far…
You’ve Made It This Far…
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